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Remembered Today:

Signal from Flagship 21/10/05


Tim Birch
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ENGLAND EXPECTS THAT EVERY MAN WILL DO HIS DUTY.

Actyually the original signal was to be ENGLAND CONFIDES THAT EVERY MAN WILL DO HIS DUTY, but as confides was not in the signal book & would have to be spelt out, Nelson consented to changing it to Expects,

Bry

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& the response:

"I do wish Nelson would stop signalling. We all know perfectly well what is required of us"

Bry

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& his last signal made at 1155:

"ENGAGE THE ENEMY MORE CLOSELY"

after that, immortality....................

Bry

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And Today,

"Order the signal. Hardy. "

Aye, aye, sir.

Hold on, that's not what I dictated to the signal officer. What's the meaning of this?

Sorry, sir?

England expects every person to do his duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability. What gobbledegook is this?

Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting "England" past the censors, lest it be considered racist.

Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco.

Sorry, sir. All naval vessels have been designated smoke-free working environments.

In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the mainbrace to steel the men before battle.

The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. It's part of the Government's policy on binge drinking.

Good heavens. Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it. Full speed ahead.

I think you'll find that there's a 4 mph speed limit in this stretch of water.

Dammit, man, we are on the eve of the greatest sea fight in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest, please.

That won't be possible, sir.

What?

Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness. And they say that rope ladder doesn't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected.

Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy.

He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the fo'c'sle Admiral.

Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd.

Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled.

Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card.

Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is underrepresented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency.

Whatever next? Give me a full sail. The salt spray beckons.

A couple of problems there, too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without crash helmets. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?

I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy.

The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral.

What? This is mutiny.

It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of legal aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks.

Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?

Actually, sir, we're not.

We're not?

No, sir. The Frenchies and Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation.

But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil.

I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-ordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on a disciplinary.

You must consider every man an enemy who speaks ill of your King.

Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest, it's the rules.

Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?

As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu. And there's a ban on corporal punishment.

What about sodomy?

I believe it's to be encouraged sir.

In that case - kiss me Hardy.

Charles

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:lol::lol::lol:

And I have to be the one to ask.

Y O Y is Y 24 not 25 ?

Landlubber spotted on the larboard quarter!!!

And why is the 220 on the signal with a Yellow/Black square not a repeated Blue/White square?

Steve.

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[

Actyually the original signal was to be ENGLAND CONFIDES THAT EVERY MAN WILL DO HIS DUTY, but as confides was not in the signal book & would have to be spelt out, Nelson consented to changing it to Expects,

Bry

I understand that at that time "confides" meant "is confident that" which would have made more sense and probably pre-empted Collingwood's comment!

Tim

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It has been suggested but has not been proven that the first version of the signal read 'Nelson confides...' rather than 'England confides...' & that there were thus 2 changes.

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The sun is over the yard arm, time for some Nelson's Blood!

The RN crews were a diversity officer's dream.

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