PhilB Posted 20 July , 2004 Share Posted 20 July , 2004 The photo below depicts a headstone in Darwen cemetery. Unusually, it has a further inscription for the soldier`s wife. The sad thing is that she was a widow for so many years after her husband`s death. 71 years of loneliness for one of the war`s unsung victims. Phil B Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terry Denham Posted 20 July , 2004 Share Posted 20 July , 2004 The addition of a spouse's details (and burial in the grave) are permitted for graves in the home countries (other than those in CWGC plots). However, the cost and execution of the engraving is the responsibility of the n-o-k rather than CWGC. The new inscription is usually put at the bottom of the stone where the Personal Inscription would appear. However, on the above example, the stonemason has added it higher up and spoilt, to some degree, the overall effect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Coulson Posted 20 July , 2004 Share Posted 20 July , 2004 Very interesting, never seen this before in the UK. bOB. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terry Denham Posted 20 July , 2004 Share Posted 20 July , 2004 Bob It cannot be said to be common but it does occur. In Sussex there are four or five examples in 4000 war graves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Coulson Posted 20 July , 2004 Share Posted 20 July , 2004 Terry, See what you mean, very small ratio but definitely something to look out for. Bob. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilB Posted 21 July , 2004 Author Share Posted 21 July , 2004 I`m surprised that nobody (especially ladies!) has commented on the 71 years of widowhood endured by this soldier`s wife. Possibly the title didn`t attract the fairer sex to look? Phil B Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CROONAERT Posted 21 July , 2004 Share Posted 21 July , 2004 It cannot be said to be common but it does occur. In Sussex there are four or five examples in 4000 war graves. Another exists only a couple of miles away from Darwen and has been posted on this forum previously. This is, again, to a soldier of the ELR and is in Accrington cemetery. Dave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CROONAERT Posted 21 July , 2004 Share Posted 21 July , 2004 It cannot be said to be common but it does occur. In Sussex there are four or five examples in 4000 war graves. Another exists only a couple of miles away from Darwen and has been posted on this forum previously. This is, again, to a soldier of the ELR and is in Accrington cemetery. Dave. Here it is.... Dave. (Sorry John. - I've nicked yer photo!!!! ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ypres Posted 21 July , 2004 Share Posted 21 July , 2004 Phil Did see it and have thought about it, It brought back a memory of 22yrs ago whist nusring on the geriatric ward (sorry, care of the elderly!) I came accross a lady who had not re-married either, she was just too heart broken to even think about it. She still looked at his picture with tears in her eyes even after 70 yrs. The reason I remember her was that she told me (in confidence!!!!! along with anyone else who would listen) that she was 'de-flowered' before she was married!!!!! I thought that was quite something to tell when you think what it would have been like if her father had found out!!!! Mandy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue Light Posted 21 July , 2004 Share Posted 21 July , 2004 I`m surprised that nobody (especially ladies!) has commented on the 71 years of widowhood endured by this soldier`s wife. Possibly the title didn`t attract the fairer sex to look? Phil I did read the posting [of course, why wouldn't I?], but refrained from replying for fear of the moderators having to step in with the axe! Why on earth do you assume that she had 71 years of loneliness? Lonliness in many forms is not confined to widows; I feel strongly that there was probably as much heartache, unhappiness and loneliness within the ranks of the women whose husbands did return. Many widows [hopefully MOST widows], despite their grief, lived on to have happy, fulfilled lives; they were not made to feel like freaks in sideshow - there were far too many of them, but were respected, and figured strongly in the ranks of doctors, nurses, teachers, and many other professions. As at that time, divorce was still both unacceptable and difficult, particularly for working class women, many of those whose husbands returned from the war, faced a life of drudgery, tiredness and lack of purpose. I would dare to suggest that some women actually rather dreaded the return of their men - widowhood would have been more welcome than a continuing marriage. Today, when 'partnership' seems to be shown off as of prime importance, many single women, widows and others, continue to choose to live without the unnecessary burden of a husband and/or family, and actually enjoy their lives rather more than many of their peers. All classes of women can be happy, lonely, fulfilled or depressed. But widowhood does not necessarily equate with loneliness - doesn't now, never did. And as for your title not attracting the 'fairer sex'... women are on this forum for exactly the same variety of reasons as men. If a man is likely to read it, then so is a woman. I would like to make an issue of being described as the 'fairer sex', but as a frequent visitor to the PRO 'Saturday Club,' I have to grant that you are absolutely right! Sue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilB Posted 21 July , 2004 Author Share Posted 21 July , 2004 You`ve got me worried now, Sue! There was I looking at the headstone and feeling sorry for the man and his wife - both victims of the war. What exactly do you think a reasonable reaction to it would be? Sorry for the man but not for the wife as she might have wanted him to disappear? Or just nothing for the wife? I must be just a softy! Phil B Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevew Posted 21 July , 2004 Share Posted 21 July , 2004 The addition of a spouse's details (and burial in the grave) are permitted for graves in the home countries (other than those in CWGC plots). However, the cost and execution of the engraving is the responsibility of the n-o-k rather than CWGC. The new inscription is usually put at the bottom of the stone where the Personal Inscription would appear. However, on the above example, the stonemason has added it higher up and spoilt, to some degree, the overall effect. Terry, What would happen if the headstone were to be replaced by cwgc??? Would they inscribe the soldier and wife's details or just the soldiers??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue Light Posted 21 July , 2004 Share Posted 21 July , 2004 There was I looking at the headstone and feeling sorry for the man and his wife - both victims of the war. What exactly do you think a reasonable reaction to it would be? Phil I think perhaps you might be justified in feeling sorry for the soldier – his life was taken by war when he would have preferred to live [most likely!]. But I don’t think you can feel sorry for the wife, without knowing her circumstances, for the sole reason of her being a widow for more than seventy years. Would you go up to a woman, let’s say at work, or perhaps at the pub, and say ‘I’ve been told you’re a widow, and just wanted to say how sorry I am for your lonely, wretched life.’ [Perhaps that depends on whether you enjoy having your face slapped!] Or in the case of a soldier whose wife died while he was serving – would he reap ‘pity’ at the age of ninety, if he had never remarried? Life is full of tragedy, widowhood being just one of them, but most [although not all] people of both sexes cope admirably with whatever is chucked at them. If you have a problem such as a depressive illness, or chronic anxiety, it will be no respecter of marital status. And honestly, although it’s a struggle not to have to put the meal on the table at six each evening, and difficult to go to sleep without the echoing sound of snoring, it’s surprising how quickly a woman can adapt! Sue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilB Posted 21 July , 2004 Author Share Posted 21 July , 2004 Sue, I bow to your superior knowledge of feminine behaviour and thinking. Just one thing - it`s not only wives who have to tend with snoring at short range and high decibels! Incidentally, Liz Taylor`s umpteenth husband (the one she met in rehab) said she snored like a truck driver. Phil B Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wellsms Posted 25 July , 2004 Share Posted 25 July , 2004 I have to agree with the comments about the positioning of the additional memorial, Dave's picture looks much nicer...... They are equally moving though. Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.thumb.jpg.29d4195f801e5a5004f52840449366a7.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now