May MGWAT

[Guest]

Oh, dear, in the light of day! No cadence, is that what it is called?

Cheers

Kim

[CGM]

Whatever it hasn't got, Kim, it has got credence - in bucketfuls. It's straight from the heart.

[Gunboat]

Kim I think that is a darn good poem

Yes say you are worried about there being no cadence....often poems are constrained to a formulae which dictate the rythm meter and lenght of the poem. I dont intend to bore people on something they can google

where there is no formal structure where there is irregular cadence, meter or verse structure, this is called Free Verse.

I would say your poem fitted into this category and as such is a legitimate poem using a recognised format, if you read it again out load...you will detect that there is a rythm...irregular maybe but a rhythm that seperates this from being prose

You could probably tighten up that rythm if you wanted by removing one or two extraneous words in a line...don't forget in a poem you are not so contrained in the use of grammar. Words, sentence structure and punctation become somewhat fluid what is more important is the image left by the words or the emotion or sensation they illcit rather than their formal construction.

[squirrel]

Gunboat is spot on Kim - go where the words lead you.

[Guest]

Kim I think that is a darn good poem

Yes say you are worried about there being no cadence....often poems are constrained to a formulae which dictate the rythm meter and lenght of the poem. I dont intend to bore people on something they can google

where there is no formal structure where there is irregular cadence, meter or verse structure, this is called Free Verse.

I would say your poem fitted into this category and as such is a legitimate poem using a recognised format, if you read it again out load...you will detect that there is a rythm...irregular maybe but a rhythm that seperates this from being prose

You could probably tighten up that rythm if you wanted by removing one or two extraneous words in a line...don't forget in a poem you are not so contrained in the use of grammar. Words, sentence structure and punctation become somewhat fluid what is more important is the image left by the words or the emotion or sensation they illcit rather than their formal construction.

Gunny, Having no idea of poetry other than fav verses by Banjo etc, and knowing if I like or dislike a piece, you have just taught me more than any teacher did in 12 yrs of school.

Squirrel , Ta.

Kim

[Guest]

OK, somewhat ignoring the rules of prose, and 'unconstraining' my punctuation etc.,

I had another go.

Back along the lines we moved; the sad, the weak, the strong,

Khaki clad - as one, from the brutality of days past.

Tired and worn, we marched, and yet we still found song.

As we trampled over the dead –

we knew our destiny was cast.

Through the rain of shrapnel, the hail of bullets,

Amongst the blackened ruins of man's hate -

And human greed.

Marching into cold, flea infested billets,

To a safe haven –

where we could let the rage recede.

Visits to the Estaminets, and a French girl's

twinkling eyes,

We will joke, and drink, and tell the Devil where to go -

With wine, and beer, and fries,

And for but a moment –

forget about our foe.

Kim

[squirrel]

Excellent Kim, excellent. Knew you could do it. More please.

Is anybody putting up the Poll for May and "The Letter" for June yet? I have my offering done already.

[Guest]

Ta Squirrel.

Bloody hell, you're quick, I haven't left the Estaminet yet.

Cheers

Kim

[squirrel]

I was doing my letter while I was in there!

[Guest]

I thought one spent what time they had in an Estaminet, drinking and eating!! Time in the billet for letter writing.

Or sleeping off the Estaminet!

A new Topic. Hopefully something will pop up up.

Here you go Squirrel. First in.

Cheers

Kim

[squirrel]

Done!

[CGM]

Hello Kim,

I saw this yesterday.

C'mon CG, have a go. I'm up for being laughed at, it is all a learning experience, ouch, and... this is the place to 'Have a go!'

Cheers

Kim

Well, I read it and then:

I wandered away

to plan for the day.

Shaking my head -

I was sighing.

I'm being coerced

to make my work versed.

Shaking my head -

I start trying.

Well, nothing inspires

and nothing transpires.

Shaking my head -

my mind's frying.

Kim says do your best.

It's not a hard test.

Shaking my head -

I'm not buying.

If I said that I could,

If I promised I would,

Nodding my head -

I'd be lying.

See now - you really wouldn't more of the same, would you!

I'll just leave this behind the bar for you to collect next time you're in, Kim. And there's a drink waiting there for you too, by way of apology for not writing any poetry.

CGM

[Guest]

Love it. It is quirky and clever and made me laugh.

See you can do it!

I'll get Sven to frame it,

Second thoughts, I don't think I want a pink feather boa to adorn your poem, but then again, it just might suit. Svennnn.... no, .. oh why not, yes.... the glitter as well!

and ta for the drink, but it is I that owe the drinks, for all the wonderful help here!

You lot have really made my month!!

Cheers

Kim

[Guest]

Just realised that CGM may not have heard of Sven.

Well, in 31 more posts, all will become clear!!!!

Cheers

Kim

[bruce]

With the lowering of the age of consent, or at least entry into Skindles, to 100 posts, CGM will, no doubt, have already have encountered the wonder that is Sven. He is likely to have avoided the blandishments of Samantha, as well of those of Fifi, and may even have visited Matron for his medical. If the later is the case, then it explains the poetry!

Bruce

[CGM]

Hi Bruce,

A post just for you, this time:

http://1914-1918.invisionzone.com/forums/i...?showuser=41057

[Gunboat]

Hello Kim,

I saw this yesterday.

Well, I read it and then:

I wandered away

to plan for the day.

Shaking my head -

I was sighing.

I'm being coerced

to make my work versed.

Shaking my head -

I start trying.

Well, nothing inspires

and nothing transpires.

Shaking my head -

my mind's frying.

Kim says do your best.

It's not a hard test.

Shaking my head -

I'm not buying.

If I said that I could,

If I promised I would,

Nodding my head -

I'd be lying.

See now - you really wouldn't more of the same, would you!

I'll just leave this behind the bar for you to collect next time you're in, Kim. And there's a drink waiting there for you too, by way of apology for not writing any poetry.

CGM

Hey this is a perfectly respectable little poem and like Kim I enjoyed it, it has charm and humour and is readable. You may say...well how could I get a Great War Poem out of that...well remember not all soldiers who wrote poems in the Great War, were as accomplished as Sassoon, Owen, Rosenberg, or Graves. Many would have written and enjoyed simple poems with accessible verse and rhyme stucture, so writing a poem in the voice of an ordinary soldier with a simple structure would be totally legitimate. Also the meter of the poem the short sharp beat....well to me its like the staccato sound of a burst of machine gun fire...so imagine if you had used the same structure....But with the addition of a more matial theme

for example

They ordered the attack

No time to look back

To think of the wounded

Or dying

You could the end the last line of each stanza with a variation of the theme of dying

It would be a very effective little piece....so lets have some more please

(I am dreading you replying and saying you was being ironic as everyone knows you are the Emeritus Proffessor of Poetry at Cambridge University)

[Guest]

With the lowering of the age of consent, or at least entry into Skindles, to 100 posts, CGM will, no doubt, have already have encountered the wonder that is Sven. He is likely to have avoided the blandishments of Samantha, as well of those of Fifi, and may even have visited Matron for his medical. If the later is the case, then it explains the poetry!

Bruce

Oh, dear. I've missed that. 100 postsm eh?

Really should get more sleep.

Cheers

Kim

[CGM]

It would be a very effective little piece....so lets have some more please

(I am dreading you replying and saying you was being ironic as everyone knows you are the Emeritus Proffessor of Poetry at Cambridge University)

Thank you very much gunboat. I believe I said way back in this thread I've discovered the pleasure words in patterns and rhythms gives me - thanks everyone who has posted poems on previous occasions.

I mostly think of my ideas while I'm cycling to work and back, so I feel the poem has a very slow pace; in fact just fast enough to stay upright lol. Now, because of your thoughts, I can see it in a very different light.

Maybe I will have a go with it, in the way you described - I was very impressed with the verse you wrote.

Having said that I am very proud of it as it stands right now, because I've just received a fax telling me it's been short-listed for the PF Living History Re-enactment Group (Shakespeare Sonnets Section) Autumn Display.

We'll see.

CGM