The SAS, the Parachute Regiment and the Police decide to go on a

survival weekend together to see who comes out on top.

After some basic exercises the trainer tells them that their next

objective is to go down into the woods and catch a rabbit for their

supper, returning with it ready to skin and cook.

Night falls.

First up - the SAS.

They don infrared goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by the unmistakable muffled "phut-phut" of their trademark silenced "double-tap".

They emerge with a large rabbit shot cleanly between the eyes.

"Excellent!" remarks the trainer.

Next up - the Para's.

They finish their cans of lager, smear themselves with camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods ring with the sound of rifle and machine-gun fire, hand grenades, mortar bombs and blood curdling war cries. Eventually they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit.

"A bit messy, but you achieved the aim; well done", says the trainer.

Lastly, in go the coppers,

walking slowly, hands behind backs whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken by the occasional crackle of a walkie-talkie "Sierra Lima Whisky Tango Fanta One, suspect headed straight for you..." etc.

After what seems an eternity, they emerge escorting a squirrel in handcuffs.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" asks the Incredulous trainer, "Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit like I asked you five hours ago!".

So back they go.

Minutes pass. Minutes turn to hours, night drags on and slowly turns to day.

The next morning, the trainer and the other teams are awakened by the cops, holding the handcuffed squirrel, now covered in bruises, one eye nearly shut, and clearly beaten under questioning.

"Are you taking the p**s!!??" asks the now seriously irate trainer.

The police team leader slaps the squirrel around the head, who squeaks:

"Alright, alright, I'm a f**king' rabbit"

Well it made me smile

On a more serious note........

What the heck is Mr Al Fayed on?

With the publishing of the report into the death of the Princess of Wales, he continues to try and establish that HRH Prince Philip instructed MI6 to murder her and his son.

The reason?

(Quoted from page 5 of the report available here:

http://downloads.bbc.co.uk/news/nol/shared...iana_report.pdf )

Is that she was pregnant and engaged to be married to Dodi, a fact he states would offend the establishment if an Egyptian Muslim was the step-father of a future king of England.

What a load of tosh!

So this report is the result of a complaint made of a criminal nature by Al Fayed.

Let's just guess who has finished up paying the bill for this enquiry, the British tax payer per chance?

Oh and there's more.........Wait until we come to the Inquest into her cause of death. At the Inquest Al fayed can waste even more time by calling his lawyers and 'friends' to try and slur every report that has come to the same conclusions as Mr Stevens and 'Operation paget'

For Gods sake let the woman lie in peace, it was a 'simple' crash caused by a man who was over the drink drive limit, who was in state of fear trying to escape a hord of photographers.

In order to escape he was driving at excess speed and sadly none of the occupants in the car had on seatbelts.

Any car striking a solid imovable object at about 65mph (page 425 of the report) is going to inflict serious damage to any unrestrained occupants. They would after all continue to travel at 65mph inside the cabin of the car after impact........and that is not good for the human body....royal or otherwise.

On another matter..........God bless Monty.........5 wickets !!!!!!!!!!! Why oh why didnt they start the series with him?