Cure

[Guest philsmithers]

Hi. Thank you everyone who replied to my Humorous topic. I came across this story and wondered how true it was. An officer asked a soldier what he was suffering from, He replied "Piles, Sir". To which the officer enquired as to what the treatment was, He replied "Wire brush and paraffin. Sir" Would this be true or is someone pulling my leg. Yours truly Philip

[Desmond7]

http://www.mypharmacy.co.uk/medicines/medi..._h_ointment.htm

Check the ingredients of this well known product

[PhilB]

  He replied "Wire brush and paraffin. Sir" Would this be true or is someone pulling my leg.  Yours truly Philip

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No need to beat around the bush, Philip. If you`ve got a touch of the Farmer Giles, just come out and say it! You`ll be certain of a number of useful and some scurrilous suggestions. I personally wouldn`t recommend the wirebrush approach, with or without the oil. Phil B

[HarryBettsMCDCM]

"Wire brush and paraffin. Sir"

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Brings tears to the eyes just contemplating it~brings 'em up luverly though!

[truthergw]

Hi. Thank you everyone who replied to my Humorous topic.  I came across this story and wondered how true it was.  An officer asked a soldier what he was suffering from, He replied "Piles, Sir".  To which the officer enquired as to what the treatment was, He replied "Wire brush and paraffin. Sir" Would this be true or is someone pulling my leg.  Yours truly Philip

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I have just read your post and would love to give a considered reply but my eyes are watering too much.

[healdav]

If you ever have the operation, 'pull through with barbed wire' will be something that comes frequently to your mind for several weeks.

It ain't no joke.

If you never have to have it done, when you get up there say, 'Thank you God' very sincerely.

[spike10764]

http://www.mypharmacy.co.uk/medicines/medi..._h_ointment.htm

Check the ingredients of this well known product

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Active ingredients:

Yeast cell extract 1% w/w.

Shark liver oil 3% w/w.

Also contains :

White soft paraffin,

light liquid paraffin,

liquid paraffin,

wool fat,

wool alcohol's,

thyme oil red,

chlorhexidine acetate,

glycerin,

wire brush.

[PhilB]

To get slightly technical, since most piles are internal, perhaps that umbrella device allegedly beloved of VD doctors might be pertinent? Phil B

[Muerrisch]

LCpl Jones would know what to say.

[T8HANTS]

Hi

This cure NEVER fails.............Gareth

[Piscator]

Well, the liquid parafin would certainly add lustre to you cluster, but I would recommend a soft cloth to polish says-

Len

Who sits down carefully

[PhilB]

Take heart, gents. There`s always somebody worse off than yourself. Phil B

[themonsstar]

Hi All

And now the rhinoceros, the richest animal in the world. To those familiar with the Classics, the derivation of its name is interesting; rhino, meaning money, soreass, meaning piles. There you have it, ladies and gentlemen: piles of money.

[ian turner]

If I remember the joke well, it went as follows (Originally about the Crimean War):

Florence Nightingale was visiting the wards, and stopped to talk to various patients.

'What are you in here for, soldier?'

'Piles, ma'am.'

'Hmm, what's the cure for that?'

'Bottlebrush and iodine, Ma'am.'

'What is your ambition then, soldier?'

'Get cured quickly and get back to the front line, Ma'am'

'Very good, soldier. carry on.'

This scene is re-eanacted at the next bed, the soldier suffering from VD and needing the same treatment of bottlebrush and iodine, and he has an equal ambition to get back to the fighting.

At the third bed, the soldier informs that he is suffering from mouth ulcers.

Florence Nightingale ask about what his ambitions are:

'To get to the bottlebrush and iodine before those two b****rds, Ma'am!'

Ian

[truthergw]

If I remember the joke well, it went as follows (Originally about the Crimean War):

'To get to the bottlebrush and iodine before those two b****rds, Ma'am!'

Ian

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You can't beat the old uns.

[Patrick H]

Had a mate who was suffering in the middle of the night and reached for his tube of anasol but unfortunately grabbed his tube of deep heat. Spent a good few days off work after that mistake.

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Thats even funnier than the jokes !!

Patrick

[healdav]

My local GP said that if anyone ever comes up with a cream or similar for curing piles completely then he will get a special Nobel prize for medicine with every GP in the world paying for the prize.

basically there is nothing they can do. All that the various ointments and suppositories do is to put off the evil day.

[chrislock]

I have a tube of "FIRE ME JACK" bum rubbing cream! Brings tears to yer eyes! But the piles wriggle away IN SUPER QUICK TIME! Tesco's stock it, try it!

[Andy Shaw]

Fragment from France!

[2ndCMR]

I hate to inject a serious note into this levity, and this is an odd place to make a first post, but Plantain tea is highly effective for this condition. 1 ounce of granulated herb in a pint of water, boiled and cooled and injected you know where As a poultice plaintain has even been known to cure gangrenous infections. Happily I've never had the need to prove this for myself in either case.

I think it was Sir Arbuthnot Lane who coined the phrase, "death begins in the colon".

[Bruce Dennis]

Had a mate who was suffering in the middle of the night and reached for his tube of anasol but unfortunately grabbed his tube of deep heat. Spent a good few days off work after that mistake.

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I once saw a man urinate on an electric fence: now that was a mistake.

Bruce

[Guest C729LEE]

I had a go at that one - someone dared me to do it when we were walking home from the pub through a local park

A cattle type that looks like nylon string

Talk about people telling you to put your head in a gas oven.

I'll never go out on the p@ss with him again.

LJ